It's Cool and Sexy...to Slap Women on the Butt.

SPIDERS HAVE THE ABILITY TO GREATLY EXPAND THEIR CHEST

*Tip-of-the-hat to Jim Lawless for this one

WIVES SHOULD BE KISSED -- AND NOT HEARD

ONLY JERKS SMOKE WITH CIGARETTE HOLDERS

NIXON WAS AN EVIL ALIEN SHAPECHANGER

IF I EVER LOSE AN EYE, I CAN REGAIN MY SIGHT SIMPLY BY WEARING A FANCY EYEPATCH

MANHATTAN IS A FLOATING ISLAND

HOT GIRLS THINK NERDS ARE GROOVY

TOUGH GUYS SMOKE CIGARS